Skipping Algebra
by peach feet
Summary: Follow this epic adventure to find out what Yugi's friends will do to get him back! (My first one, don't shoot me)
1. The Kidnapping

MISSING ALGEBRA: A YUGIOH STORY 

Disclaimer: I hereby declare that I do not own Yugi-oh, but I do want it for Christmas. 

Chapter One: The Kidnapping

It was a cold, dank morning when Yugi left his house for school. Not like usual. Usually on the show it was sunny, with happy little birds cheeping overhead. Today Yami was glad. He wouldn't be nauseated by the overwhelming happiness of it all. He sighed contentedly. Rainy days were pleasurable for him, so Yami figured he had better let Yugi out of the rain.

"Hey Yug!" called a familiar voice.

"Hi Joey…" Yami sighed. Joey was too…bubbly in the morning. Like a mocha latte gone wrong.

"Hey Yugi!" called Tea. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you. And yourself?" Yami inwardly rolled his eyes. Honestly, after what, two _years_ of knowing them, they still couldn't tell who was actually their friend and who was the moocher living in his body.

"What's up, Yug?" Tristan Taylor had just zoomed up beside them on his motorcycle.

"The rain, Tristan. Can we head to school now?" With a huff, Yami trudged in the direction of Domino High School, local prison—I mean, school…heh…heh…

Behind his back, Tea, Joey and Tristan were whispering intently. Or at least, Tristan and Tea were. Joey was happily buzzing around them, like a hungry fly.

"What's up with him, Tristan? Do you think it has something to do with the Seal of Orichalcos?" (A/N: I really don't know how to spell it. Don't shoot me. Please?)

"I don't know, Tea. But after he got Yugi back he has seemed moodier, and more careful, if it were possible for him to be more so." Tristan whispered thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I know. I'm worried, Tristan. I hope he'll be ok…"

"Don't worry so much, Tea! You'll give yourself an ulcer!" Tristan snorted. Tea was like the mother of their little band. She did everything for you, and worried her arse off about stupid things like.. while fishing, she had to be left behind because she was so sure that one of them would get the hook caught in their arm, and they would be dragged down and fed to the sharks. Um, there are no sharks in Domino City.

"Oh Tristan, here's Duke!" Tea squealed, as she desperately tried to fix her hair and shirt. Duke hopped out of his old school Chevy convertible and grinned at them.

"Anyone want a ride?" he called out.

"Um, Duke, it's raining." Tristan said matter-of-factly.

"So it is. OH SHIZNIT! MY CAR!!" Duke raced to put the top on his convertible, but not before the rain spattered his custom leather seats.

"Noooooooooo!!! My baby!!" he moaned. "Hey, where's Yugi?" Everyone stopped and stared.

"He was just here a minute ago…" Tea said hesitatingly.

"He started walking that way, and then he disappeared. We thought he was in A Mood, so we didn't pester him…"

"Yugi got kidnapped!!" Joey called happily. "I saw the whooooooole thing!!"

"WHAT?!?" three pairs of voices yelped at the same time. "KIDNAPPED?"

"Uh-huh!! Some big mean guys in black cloaks came and put Yugi in a black van, and then they drove off. I think I saw KaibaCorp's logo on the van!"

"Big guys in black cloaks? A black van? Kaiba Corp? This is too weird. Are you absolutely sure you saw all this, Joey?" Duke asked, skeptical.

"Oh, fasho!"

"Um, ok. This calls for one thing, guys!! A RESCUE!!" Tea called out, now in cheerleader mode. .

"AWIGHT!! Yugi, here we come!!" yelled Joey.

"Ok then… but are you sure he won't be at school while we're skipping with the excuse of rescuing him from some big, bad, crazy Kaiba Corp guys?" Tristan asked.

"Meh, I have algebra first period, then Career Studies. If I can arrange my time today right, I can be back for gym class and say I was sick the whole morning!" Duke proclaimed, ever the resourceful, _responsible_ student.

So with that, our trusty band of Yugi-followers followed Yugi to Kaiba Corp.

. 

"Uh, Mr Kaiba, you have some visitors to see you, Sir." Kaiba Seto looked up.

"Huh?"

"Visitors, Sir,they—"

"I know what you said, dolt! Who are they, and why are they here?!" Seto rubbed his bleary eyes. He reaaally should stop staying up the night before a press conference.

"I don't know Sir. They said something about a Yugi Mouto, and how he disappeared…"

"WHAT? Send them in, NOW!"

"Yes sir, right away, Sir!" The manservant scurried out.

Well, well, well, Yugi. What have you gotten yourself into this time? Kaiba said silently.

"Here they are, Sir." The manservant stepped back from the open door to reveal Yugi's little friend/worshipers, Cheerleader Girl, Dice Boy, Motorcycle I-think-I'm-so-tough Boy, and Kaiba's personal favourite to tease, Doggy Boy.

"Kaiba, we know you kidnapped Yugi!" said Cheerleader Girl.

"Yeah, where are you keeping him, eh?" Dice Boy added. Now Kaiba was accustomed to masking his feelings(except anger), but this actually caught him off guard.

"Me? Kidnapping? Are you insane? Of course not, you fools! If I wanted Yugi here, all I would have to do would be ask, and send a car to pick him up! Good lord, kidnapping? Are you seriously thinking I'm that tacky? You cut me deep right there." Kaiba was snubbed. By the people he swore never to lower himself to speak to again.

"Are you saying you didn't do it..?" Doggy boy said uncertainly.

"YES, YOU IDIOT! Why would I kidnap Yugi? What would _I_ get out of it?" Kaiba yelped.

"Oh, well then. But Joey here said he saw a black van with your logo on it take Yugi away somewhere!"

"WHAT? Copyright infringement!! I hereby did NOT order such a menial task to be done by my men. You have it right there." So that was doggy boy's name…and a van with his logo? Hmm, this could be interesting. Looks like more money for Mokuba's college fund.

"Well, could you at least help us look for him? This is really worrying me!" Cheerleader Girl said shrilly. Well, what doesn't worry her?

"Let me think." _Hmm, Yugi missing. That could have it's advantages. With him gone, I could be the greatest duelist in the world! But…then all the evidence would point to me, and I would seem like some cheap rip-off trying to get my glory through unfairness. Not the way I want to make my status known. It's kind of like an actor entering the music world. Sad. Well, that leaves me no other choice… damn it. _

"Fine, I'll find Yugi. But don't thank me. That's the last thing I want."

"YAY!!" four pairs of voices rejoiced.

What have I gotten myself into?

o0

"Hey, what are you doing to me? Stop!! HELP!!!" Yami screeched as the burly men dragged him into the van. "What is this? Why are you doing this?!"

"Hey you! Shut yer trap or we'll shut it for you! BWAHAHAHA!!"

"…meep?!" Who were these guys? And where were they taking him? Wait… KAIBA CORP'S LOGO! Was Kaiba in all this? Yami couldn't tell as the van sped away, to a place unbeknownst to anyone.

Yugi?

Yeah?

What do you make of all this?

I dunno, but I'm scared, Yami. Why would Kaiba want to kidnap us in this way?

I'm not sure, but I'm guessing it has something to do with the god cards, or me duelling him in front of millions of people, to show the world how he is in fact better than I am.

The cheat! You could beat him blindfolded any day!

Uh, I'd rather not try.

Hey, I just realised I'm missing algebra!

That's the second time this month. You'll be needing a tracker soon, tsk tsk.

(A/N: A tracker is what a student needs if they've been skipping too much. You need each teacher to sign every day to say you've been there, and you need the Vice principal to sign weekly. Not that I've had it…)

Hey, don't give me that! You were responsible for the first time!


	2. The Rescue: Part 1

Chapter 2: The Rescue; Phase 01

Kaiba strode into his tech room with the superior swish of his cloak he loved. He had the weirdos wait outside, where they could watch from the glass window. He wasn't letting Doggy Boy in his beautiful electronics room, no matter how much you paid him.

"Mokuba, give me access to the Kaiba Corp Tracker Satellite, now."

"Sure thing, big bro!" Thank you Mokie, Seto said inwardly. You've served me well.

"Here it is! Now who do you want to locate, Seto?" Mokuba asked.

"Yugi Mouto."

"What? Yugi? What happened?"

"Another time, Mokuba. Now locate!" Kaiba said warningly. That was the only drawback to having your brother as a Vice President on your company. He was the only one who could stall or ask questions without getting fired. Mokuba shrugged and typed in a keyword, then Yugi's name. The computer kicked into action. .2546793 seconds later, the computer spat out an answer: Yugi was located travelling in a van on the freeway, on the way to Domino Airport.

"Got him!!" Kaiba muttered, then whirled out of the room, doling out instructions as he went.

"Mokuba, you come with me." With Mokuba on his heels, ten squads of plainclothes policemen on their way, and security well informed about the incident, Kaiba fell into a satisfied stride on his way to his personal Blue-Eyes jet. Ahhh, this is the life…



"Wow, so this is Kaiba's digs, huh!" Joey exclaimed, awed. "I wonder what that button does…"

"No no no no no no no no do not touch that, that's the console self-destruct button, I wouldn't touch that, Kaiba will be very very mad…"Tea said, beginning to hyperventilate with worry.

"Hey, speaking of Kaiba, where is he?" Duke asked, playing with his dice again. "Did he leave without telling us anything?"

"No."

"Huh?" All four of them spun around to find Mokuba and Seto Kaiba standing before them.

"We located Yugi Motou in a van on the freeway heading to Domino Airport. We sent out reinforcements and notified the authorities at the airport. They will be stopped at security, and won't get past until we get there. Now you two(he pointed to Tea and Duke) come with me. You two(here he indicated Joey and Tristan) go with Croquet here. Pegasus has lent me some of his men. Now let's move!" Kaiba motioned to the three others to follow him, and strode off to his jet.

o 

As the journey in the van got slower, Yugi sat up. Yami let him take over, as these people would be less likely to hurt an innocent little kid, rather than an ancient pharaoh. For the first time, Yugi got a clear glimpse of his surroundings. The van was plain on the outside, but on the inside it was like a portable Kaiba Corp store. It had boxes and boxes of rare cards, as it said on the labels, and on the walls, dozens of portable duel disks. Yugi's confusion increased. These weren't Kaiba Corp designed duel disks… with a jolt, the van shuddered to a halt, and Yugi was roughly pushed out of the van.

--

"Wow…" was all Tea could say as the jet touched down for a perfect landing, three minutes later. "Do you always travel this way?"

"Yes, I do. I especially like the caviar service." Kaiba inwardly kicked himself. He was actually getting friendly with Yugi's Cheerleader Girl! Ugh. "We're here. Let's go."

They hopped out of the plane(Mokuba stayed) and ran to the terminal. Climbing the stairs to the gate, Kaiba slowed and pulled out his cell phone. He then told them to meet him at security, but to wait for him until they did anything. They complied, and while Kaiba dialled, they ran as fast as they could.

"Hey, it's me," Kaiba said into the phone. "It's done." Then he turned and ran back to the plane, with Mokuba already powering up the engines.


	3. The Betrayal! sort of

Disclaimer: All hail Kazuki Takahashi for creating and owning Yugi-oh .

Chapter 3: The Betrayal

Kaiba strapped himself into his seat as Mokuba set the GPS to bring them to Pegasus' Island.

"Big brother, do you think we did the right thing? I mean, the airport security will beat the crap out of them." Mokuba said mournfully.

"Don't say that word. It's foul, and…well, never mind. And besides, Yugi is safe and sound flying to Isla Pegasus. What could possibly go wrong?"

(A/N: Always the wrong thing to say when you're confident you have been successful, but in fact have five (yes, I said five) half-crazed high school kids on your tale, who have an astonishing history with dumb luck)

Maximillian Pegasus sat back in his comfy chaise-longue and allowed himself a not-so-rare evil laugh.

"Well, Kaiba-boy, you actually followed through, you great buffoon! Ahahahahahaha!" he chuckled. Robbing people of their souls was his favourite pastime, and he was about to rob enough souls to fill the entirety of Lucifer's shoe closet.

He shaded his eyes against the pounding sun and glimpsed in the distance, a dark object against the clouds nearby.

"So he comes… MUAHAHAHAHA!" The roar of the plane grew louder, and soon flew overhead to land at his landing strip, just atop the cliff. With a contented sigh, Pegasus lay back, adjusting his umbrella to just the right angle where people would wish they were under it.

Yugi was hustled out of the plane, and led out onto a small landing strip on top of what looked like a huge cliff, set against the ocean. A very large manor could be seen below them, some ways down. Yugi scowled. Only one person could live here, want anything to do with him, and actually afford all this secrecy and leniency from the government.

"PEGASUS!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Yami shouted violently as he took over. Yugi needed some chill time, he was practically shaking with rage (which is disconcerting, because Yugi is always so happy! .). He was told to shut up or face the consequences.

Yami was led down a pathway, and through a lush forest full of chirping mammals. The path led downwards, and soon they came to a clearing. When Yami lookedup, it was clear they had just descended half the cliff. At one end of the clearing was another path, which looked to lead downwards, probably to a beach. The other end was occupied by a weird-looking metal thing, which Yugi figured to be an elevator. Yami shrugged. He just wasn't used to technological advancements past the fridge. Yami was ushered into the elevator, which had glass on three sides. He was crammed in along with five other burly, strong, and intimidating men, who kept complaining when Yami's duel disk poked them in the stomachs. With a 'ding,' the elevator began to move. It went sideways, and forwards, and backwards, and down, and enough times of each to make all of them look a little green. With another 'ding,' the elevator shuddered to a halt, and they all staggered out, to find none other than Maximillian Pegasus standing before them, in a ridiculously large sun hat.

"Hello boys! Welcome to my private gardens! None of you have ever been here before, and probably won't again! Now you four, leave." He pointed lazily to the four guards, who protested feebly at leaving him alone with a freaky looking kid with a pointy bracelet, a pointy puzzle, and pointy hair. Yami smirked. Despite his situation, he was still important enough to Pegasus to converse without being heard…or Pegasus was too damn arrogant to think that anyone would want to harm him in any way…

"So, Yugi-boy, how have you been? How's your grandpa, eh?" Pegasus asked cheerfully. Yami growled.

"How dare you…what is this, why have you done this? WHY AM I HERE? I should be in algebra!"

"Oh, but Yugi-boy, you're skipping algebra! Don't you see? This is all to your benefit! (And we hadn't chatted in a while, and we needed to talk)" he grinned evilly. _Excellent…_ he thought.

"WHAT? Are you saying that you only brought me here to make me skip algebra?!?!" anger bubbling up to an atrocious level

"Oh no, no, no! Good gracious no. But I arranged this whole shindig(I love this word) because you had a substitute teacher in algebra today, by the name of Malik Ishtar. Now, I'm pretty sure you know this man, and would like to steer clear. Shouldn't you be thanking me?" Pegasus batted his eyelashes playfully. He felt like a cat, the type you give to your three year old for Christmas, with a bow around their neck and everything.

"…I am trying very hard not to hit you right now, Pegasus." Yami said, snorting smoke through his nostrils, like a bull.

"Aw, come on! I just saved your life! You see, with my Millennium Eye, which I stole back from the Rare Hunters, I saw your future, and I saw that you would get every problem wrong until Malik would get so frustrated with you, he would send you to the Shadow Realm. Unless _that's_ how you planned your day…" Pegasus feigned indignancy.

"Well, um, you know…" Yami spluttered. What the hell was this all about. If he had been 80, he would have keeled over in cardiac arrest right about now…

"I see." Pegasus smirked. "Well, we're having company in about fifteen minutes, so in the meantime, you can check out my totally outrageous pool!" happy chibi-ness

Yami was led in a daze down the path.

**I really have no idea where this story is going… help. **

**You like it? I hope you do, even though the entirety of the whole shebang has been random.**

Love y'all! –jools-- 


	4. The Party and The Rescue Part 1 point 5

Chapter Four: The Party, and Rescue Part 1.5 

**Disclaimer: All I own of Yugi-oh are the cards.**

**Ok. Firstly, since Bakura(our favourite schizo British homie) is going to be in this chapter, evil Bakura is Bakura, and chibi cute Bakura is going to be Ryou. **

**Also, you know what's awesome? Yugi-oh and DN Angel are related!! Yami/Yugi is Daisuke/Dark, and Bakura/Ryou OR Merric/Malik are substitutes for Krad/Satoshi! Wow… I am such an idiot…**

Yami stripped off his shirt and lay down on the deck chair, trying to sort all this out. (if any girls had been watching, they would have majorly swooned.) So Pegasus brought him all the way here for the soul purpose of helping him skip algebra? He pinched himself.

"Ow, SHIZNIT, Yami, that freaking HURT!" Yugi screamed as Yami drew blood.

"I was just checking to see if we were dreaming… yeesh!" Yami replied meekly. What say we take off this Millennium Puzzle for a bit and sunbathe, eh?" he added, as an afterthought.

"What, and break our connection? And besides, we're on Isla Pegasus! He could jump out of a bush at any time and steal it!" Yugi reprimended.

"But it's cold!! And now I'll get a tan with an outline of a pyramid on my chest. Not good for girl-catching…" Yami said self-importantly.

"But…but—" 

"No '_but's'_ for you. Don't smoke….get it? heh, heh… ok, never mind. I'm taking it off. We will still have a weak connection, so don't worry, and we'll switch after a while so you won't look so pale and EMO!"

"Hey!"

Ryou Bakura crept through the bushes like a tiger on the prowl. Actually, this metaphor was quite accurate, as he had stripes painted all over himself, a painted nose, and was crawling on all fours.

"Ow, f5ck, d4mn 17, 7h15 f5ck1n6 hur75, 1 4m n3v3r d01n6 7h15 4641n!" he said, 1337fu11y. **(A/N: wow, that was never meant to come out in 1337. I just meant to use fsck as a substitute, so the rating could be happy, and now look. I hope you can read it…)**

Bakura groaned as he crawled through the muck and bushes to get to Yugi. Bakura had been uncomfortable all day, from when he squeezed in the van with Yugi, using his dark powers to make him invisible, of course, to when he hopped on the plane arriving in Isla Pegasus. The last Bakura had heard of the old man, was that he was dead, but rumours had been flying lately saying that Pegasus had made a deal with a necromancer…Bakura admired his bravery. Necromancers were creepy. And he would know…So here he was, on Isla Pegasus, unnoticed and unheralded, just the way he liked it. now if only he could get closer to the Millennium Puzzle…

------

Pegasus sipped his Chateauneuf du Pape Rhône contetedly and sighed. Exactly 10.45 minutes ago, his security agents had spotted a certain Mr Ryou Bakura crawling around in the bushes, presumably on his way to Yugi. Pegasus chuckled. He had a fairly good hypothesis why he was there, but as he boarded the van and plane without being noticed, Pegasus figured he had better up his security standards. So now that he was here, Pegasus would make sure he wouldn't leave. Especially not with Yugi's Millennium Puzzle…that was _his_ for the taking. Pegasus smirked, then drained the rest of his Côte du Rhône. Today was going to be such fun!

(MEEP!)

As the Blue-Eyes jet landed, Mokuba and Seto Kaiba dismounted the stairs and followed the guards to the elevator, also becoming as green as a celery stick. As they tried to walk out, they were greeted by Pegasus.

"Hello, Kaiba boys!! Welcome to Isla Pegasus. All is going to plan?" he asked jovially.

"Yes. Now where are my rare cards?" Kaiba demanded. He really didn't want to stay on the same island with Pegasus for longer than he had to.

"Oh, not really in the mood for conversation? Pity. Well, Kaiba boy, I've decided to let you duel for them…against Yugi Boy!" Pegasus squealed, much like a two year old whinging for a lollipop.

"WHAT?!?" Kaiba yelped. "You said I could have my cards and leave!"

"Yes, well…I changed my mind. Now, let's go to the duel arena, or, if you brought your duel disk, we can go to a nice secluded beach of mine, (even though this whole island is mine .) and duel!"

As Pegasus and Mokuba skipped off happily, the best of friends(even though the last time they met, Pegasus kidnapped ickle chibi Mokie and stripped him of his soul…), Kaiba was dragged behind them by three guards, while writhing in fury.

Back in the Domino City Airport, Joey, Tristan, Tea and Duke were being detained in the security ward of the terminal. They were all seething.

"Damn that Kaiba!" Joey screamed, livid.

"Urgh, what I will do to him when I get my hands on his neck…" Tristan licked his lips viciously, and a little creepily from the author's point of view…

"I know what I would do," said a voice behind them. "I'd rip my perfectly manicured nails right through his—well, _you-know-what._ Then I'd steal all his cards. But, then again, I'm not in your position."

All four of the detainees, who were bound to their chairs, swivelled them around so they could see the speaker. And, still bound as one by the happy bonds of friendship, all four jaws dropped together.

"MAI!?!"

"Yes?" Mai asked sweetly.

"What the $ are you doing here?!" Tea demanded, beyond bewilderment.

"I'm supposed to be here to interrogate you guys, but I decided, given the circumstances, that you could use some help. And in your case, Joey, I mean _mental_ help."

"Hey!" Joey cried, wounded.

"Hmm. Well, tell me your whole story, then I'll decide if knocking out those security guards was worth it or not."

(same scene, after the story was told. It wasn't long.)

"Well, it wasn't worth it, but maybe a trip to a tropical island wouldn't be so bad after all!"

"What? A tropical island? Where did you get that idea?" Duke wanted to know. And justly, too. If I were him, I would have wanted to go to a tropical island with Mai too. But since I'm not him, let's get on with the story.

"Oh, you poor, naïve creature. I forgot to tell you that approximately 5 hours, 43 minutes and…30 seconds ago, Yugi was hoarded onto a private plane destined for Isla Pegasus, a remote island roughly 2 hours, 18 minutes, and 59 seconds away from here."

"Oh." Tea said weakly. "Well let's go then! But I forgot my bathing suit…"

(45 minutes later, Tea came out of Bloomingdale's with two string bikini's, and three sarongs.)

"About time, you imbeciles! Yugi could be trapped in the Shadow realm right now, or worse! He could be dangling from a telephone wire over a fiery chasm, or—"

"Alright, you puppy, we're coming." Mai interrupted maliciously. "We get first class, though."

So with Joey, Tristan, and Duke whining pathetically behind them, Mai and Tea embarqued on a rescue-of-sorts, with a little sunbathing on the side.

Alriiight! Sorry about the wait for Chapter 4, I was busy. Last week of school, you know. Therefore, I plan to update one chapter per day until I've run out of ideas for the story. Then, I'll do other things! Thanks for actually reading this… it means a lot to me! sniff sniff


	5. Yami's Breakdown, DDR, and Kaiba sunbath...

_**Chapter 5: Yami's Emotional breakdown, DDR, and Kaiba Discovers the Wonders of Tanning.**_

**Disclaimer: Alas, but I do not owneth Yugi-oh; I am incomplete.**

"Mr Yugi Motou?" Yugi sat up, and stretched, surveying the speaker.

"Yeah?" Honestly, did he have to interrupt his daydream? It was just getting good… **(A/N: I don't even want to know…)**

"Mr Pegasus requests your presence at the Private and Secluded Beach #8, if you please."

"Whaa? A private and secluded beach? What for?"

"Sorry, but Mr Pegasus only pays me to call him Mr Pegasus, fix his cocktails, defend him from crazed duel monsters fans, and sign his Christmas cards, not know all of his private business!"

"Yeesh, sorry! Fine, I'll come. Let me get my shirt, though." Yami conceded lazily. He reached over to the next beach chair, where he put his Puzzle and shirt, but found…nothing. Now he was fully awake. He sat up again, and frantically searched all around the chairs. Nothing.

"5H17!" he yelled, tearing out tufts of his hair. "WHERE—IS—MY—PUZZLE!!????"

"Um, I don't know sir… what was it a puzzle of?" Pegasus's guard looked quite disconcerted.

"Not a jigsaw puzzle, you IMBECILE! My Millennium Puzzle?" Yami's breath came out very fast and shallow. He felt like a bull, in a Spanish Toreador ring. Or a Caesar.

"Oh, well, I don't know. We have a very good security system, so if it was stolen, we could find out the identity of the culprit."

"Oh, Yugi! I should have listened to you!!" Yami moaned miserably.

"_Great," _the guard thought_. "Now he's talking in third person."_

Bakura cackled maniacally as he finally hung the Millennium Puzzle around his scrawny neck.

"Hey! My neck is not scrawny!" he yelped defensively.

_What? He can hear me now?_

"That's right, you fool. Now that I have two Millennium Items, I can hear the narrator speaking in this story!"

_Some powers. _

"But I, uh, also can, um, oh yeah! Haha! I can also find whatever chocolate truffle I want! With the combined powers of the Puzzle and the Ring, I can locate and steal an unlimited amount of chocolate truffles!! MUAHAHA!!"

…

"Hey, just because you don't appreciate my supreme power now, doesn't mean you won't in a few days, when I CONQUER THE WORLD!"

Ok, nutcase. Now, I think we'll move on to— 

"Wait!" a voice gasped from deep within Bakura.

_Ryou? Is that you?_

"Yes…but I am very weak. I am also in grave danger! wheeze If my evil psychopath split personality uses his powers as such, he may destroy me without knowing, until it is too late!"

_What!? Why? How? No! Ryou! You can't die! You're too damn cute!_

"Thank you, dear author. But if Yami Bakura eats all of his stolen chocolate, he could kill me, for I am…cough allergic to chocolate…"

_OH MY GOSH! NO! WE MUST SAVE YOU! _

"Thank you…"

now back to Bakura

"What are you staring at me for?"

_hehehehe. _

()()()()()

Yami sobbed uncontrollably in front of the Kaiba brothers, Pegasus, and an assorted amount of guards, all who looked at him as if…intimidated.

"Yugi…sniff why did I lose you again?"

"Um, Pegasus, do you really expect me to duel this blubbering freak show?" Kaiba whispered in Pegasus's ear.

"Well, not right now, I suppose. Have a little fun in the sun, until Yugi Boy calms down, eh?"

"Fun in the sun. Great. Because that's exactly what I love to do…" Kaiba said sarcastically.

"Of course, Kaiba Boy!" Pegasus sauntered off towards a lawn chair, in the general direction of the lawn bowling.

"Well tickle-me-pink. This has been the weirdest day of my life!" Kaiba said, and sat under a palm tree.

And Yami sobbed on.

"Alright you guys, we're coming in for landing now! Sit down, and buckle up, I don't want to have to scrape Joey off the seat in front of him with a spatula." Mai said to the 'men,' who were playing duel monsters in the aisle. With a victorious cry, Joey stood up violently, spilling all the cards, and declared himself the victor.

"AWIGHT!! I WIN!"

"How did he win..?" Tristan grumbled.

"If I knew the answer to that, I'd know the meaning of life." Duke said comfortingly.

"That would be string theory," said a voice. "I thought everyone knew that." Everyone looked up.

"BAKURA!?" Tea shouted. "How the deuce did you get here?"

"Deuce? My my, someone's been reading about Mr Holmes, haven't we?"

"So? Doyle's my favourite writer!" Tea blushed defensively.

"Indeed. Well, anyway, we were almost getting off topic, and I was just about to gloat self-importantly. Therefore, this is what happened: I stole Yugi's Millennium Item, and transferred Bakura into it as well. So now that the Ring has no spirit residing in it, its special abilities are unlocked. It can be used as a portal **(A/N: I almost said portkey.) **to travel from place to place, and it can be used as a portable DDR console." He said importantly.

"DDR… Great! Let's dance!" cheered Tea, whose favourite game was as such.

"Certainly! I shall crush you, you fool! Here is where you meet your demise!"

"Think again, dolt! You'll wish you'd never seen me in your entire life!"

_**DDR!!**_

"I choose _Angel's Song,_ by Ayumi Hamasaki!" declared Tea. Since it's your game, I choose the song!"

"Fine. But let's raise the stakes, shall we?" sneered Bakura. "Or are you too scared I might win?"

"You wish, creep. What are the stakes? You had better make them good…"

"Oh fasho. (o0) First off, I have valuable information concerning your friend, the Pharaoh. Secondly, I have valuable information concerning your other friend, Yugi Thirdly, I have valuable information concerning Kaiba sunbathing, not to mention Pegasus's skill at lawn bowling. Fourthly—"

"Oh come ON, you idiot! Is all you do gossip?"

"Well…"

"ARGH! Will you PLEASE get on with these 'high stakes' of yours?" Tea fumed.

"Well excuse me, Miss I'm-too-good-to-listen-to-gossip! Fourthly, if you lose, you don't get to learn all these things, while I taunt you, all the while sending you to the Shadow Realm. As always. I'm not much of an original."

"No kidding. I just hope you won't be as bad on the dance floor, I wouldn't want to win so easily!"

"LEEEEEET'S DUEL!"

"Ahhh, you know Mokuba? I think Pegasus was actually right for a change. Sunbathing is most relaxing." Kaiba sighed as he stretched out on his uber-comfortable armchair.

"Yeah, you're right, big brother! But you know, UV rays are harmful, and Pegasus isn't to be trusted!" Mokuba warned.

"Aw, come on, Mokie! Tanning is good for you! And besides, Pegasus is now our greatest ally! So come on, take off that shirt of yours, like I did, and tan for all you're worth!" Kaiba replied happily.

'He called me Mokie,' Mokuba thought. 'And he said Pegasus was our friend…and he took off his shirt! He NEVER takes off his shirt! Could it be that Pegasus is using artificial UV rays to brainwash big brother?'

And Yami sobbed on.

**OH MY GOSH! Kaiba's gone mad! Yami's had an emotional breakdown! And Bakura and Tea are dancing like mad in a plane that's circling the island! How will our heros inside the puzzle cope with not being able to reach their friends, even though the information they accidentally received could hold the key to this adventure! Oops…did I tell you that? Heh…heh…**


	6. The Fate of Bakura lies within a matress

Chapter 6: More DDR, The Duel Finally starts, and Pegasus reveals the SECRET!

**Disclaimer: I think I had Yugi-oh at one point, but then I ate it. Or I got drunk and _thought_ I had Yugi-oh, but really didn't.**

**Note: I had a comment from my dear friend (Lord) Scribbles, saying that people did not necessarily know what DDR was. Therefore… DDR stands for Dance Dance Revolution, and it's a standard arcade game with super-cool music. There is a screen, and a dance pad, which has four arrows, each pointing a different direction. On the screen, arrows will float by, and you have to stomp them with your corresponding foot on the corresponding arrow on the pad, and get a score on your timing. As the songs get faster, the levels get harder, and the arrows go by faster. Très amusante. **

"Wow, Tea's really good!" Duke marvelled. "She hasn't got less than an '_perfect'_ yet!"

"No kiddin.' She used to practise at the dance hall everyday for like, three hours!" Joey whispered back, bobbing his head like a rabid chicken to the beat.

"Why'd she stop?"

"I think her parents got mad and made her stop."

"That's a real shame. She could be great one day…"

"At DDR?" Tristan interjected. "Sorry, but you don't make your money off of dancing at arcades…"

"You don't?"

0.0

Bakura was not doing so well. Apart from sweating buckets and having the Puzzle _and_ Ring dig into his chest, he kept missing the pads, and was instead stomping on Tea's feet.

"OW, YOU F5CK1N6 B147CH!!" Tea screamed in his face, still half attached to the contest, and still getting no less than perfect every time.

Well, I think it is needless to say how this contest continues, so I'll skip to the end, and save us all some wicked cursing.

"I WIN!!" yelled Tea, happily. "OH YEAH, WHO'S THE MASTER!?" Bakura swore loudly.

"Hey, that's not nice!" warned Mai, who had been half-asleep, and now got up to (virtually) tower over Bakura. Wow, even evil demonic masochistic leeching spirits can be taken down by some nice, wholesome feminine wiles.

"Meep!" he meeped, feeling very small and insignificant. Which was a first, I might add.

"Hey, that's going to far, narrator!" he yelled, now angry. "I do NOT feel small and insignificant!"

Oops. I forgot he could hear me.

"Damn straight I can hear you…" Bakura muttered wildly in several different languages. Meanwhile, every single other being in that plane was staring with their jaws dropped at Bakura.

"Great, now the freak is schizo (or… at least more than he used to be) Just what we need…" grumbled Duke, calm, as always. But Joey on the other hand…well…

"AHHHH get it AWAY from me!!!" he screamed.

"Calm down, Joey, it's just a mentally insane psycho who wants to see us all dead, and is now discovered to be schizophrenic (again)… it's nothing to worry about!" Tea soothed, while pointing at his back, and mouthing "Take him first!! Take him, not me! I don't deserve to die!"

Bakura sniffed. "Well, I suppose I have to give you information now…" he said with the air of a man whose pride has taken a great injury.

Tea smirked, and nodded. "Yep, you got it. Spill the beans, Bakura."

So he did, however unwillingly.

o

Meanwhile, Yami had finally got a grip, and the now deeply-tanned-Kaiba was happily bouncing around, singing "Pegasus is cool, too cool for school!" over and over again.

"Pegasus, I am ready to duel, but on one condition: You tell me where my puzzle is, and why you took me here in the first place, and why Malik is teaching my algebra period!" Yami announced.

"Yes, dear…but Kaiba Boy? Duelling time!"

"Oooooh!! HAPPY!!! Mesa going to WIIIN!!!" Kaiba bounced. Now everyone was blatantly staring at Kaiba. Yami smirked.

"I play Dark Magician, attack!! MUAHAHA!!! YOU LOOOOOSE!!!" And it was true. Kaiba's life points had indeed decreased to zero. "HAHA! I guess the infamous KAIBA isn't so up to snuff in his DUELLING skills, now IS HE??!" Yami gloated. Meanwhile, Kaiba was sniffling, and Mokuba was frantically trying to get him away before the trembling in 'big brother's' lower lip became a full out tsunami. They both raced up the stairs, never to be seen again.

"Now, Pegasus! Tell me why!"

"Why what, Yugi Boy?"

"Why did you bring me here?" Yami growled, vein throbbing in his temple.

"Well…because I felt like it. And when I feel like doing something, I do it. that's the upside of being rich! . But I also brought you here, because His Evilness Malik Ishtar killed your algebra teacher, and took over his job, so he could finally face you! And if he did, he would have stolen the puzzle, and would have killed all in his path to keep himself amused while his lesser self found the pharaoh, and killed _him. _Not a very nice person, put a darn good opponent at marbles, I can tell you that! o0 Well, that's why I brought you here…what else did I have to tell you? Ah, I remember… drat. I really don't want to tell you this, but… your puzzle is… well… above you."

"What?"

"Look up….!!!!"

"Wha—" Yami started. But…then he looked up. And saw Bakura falling rapidly towards him. "HOLY MOTHER OF KAMI!!" he yelled, eyes as wide as square-ish hockey pucks. Pegasus giggled, then signalled to two of his men to throw down a mattress where Bakura was evidently going to meet his doom.

"AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—OOF!!" Bakura yelled, as he flew past them and landed face first into the only partially-accurately-placed mattress. He then looked up and saw them all staring at him, in a menacingly potent manner, a phrase which in this case means that everyone was advancing on him wearing bemused smiles, but hiding their true feelings of hostility.

"Well hullo there!" Bakura said, fidgeting on the mattress. "My, this thing's soft! Where do you go to buy furniture? I absolutely must know… heh…heh…" Bakura had just caught a glimpse of Yami, who was boring holes through his eyes, with a malignantly maniacal smile.

"Hullo, Pharaoh! What brings you here on this…extraordinarily…fine…day…WAIT! Before you kill me, you must know that I don't exactly have your Puzzle!" Yami, who was in the motion of swinging a giant baseball bat upon Bakura's shoulders, paused. (Wait, where did he get a giant baseball bat?)

"What do you mean you don't have my puzzle?" Yami said carefully, through clenched teeth.

"I mean that I wason a plane with your annoy—I mean…happy, and wonderful little friends, and I told them what I did, and they took your Puzzle, and pushed me out of the door of the plane! Frightfully rude—I mean, just." Bakura laughed without humour, and backed away from Yami, who seemed to be…melting.

"Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…." He let out. "That was close… but now I'm in such a good mood, I won't even kill you, Bakura! Let's all just sit around, and play DDR while sipping tall virgin strawberry daiquiris, because we're still minors!!! YAY!!"

And all Yami's happy little friends came down and partied.

"YEAH!!!" Tea cried. "I WON!!"


	7. Epilogue: what REALLY happened

Epilogue: Because I'm too lazy to write more 

Disclaimer: Right now I'm too lazy to own Yu-gi-oh. Maybe tomorrow…

This is the portion of the story where I tell you what happened to everyone after the story ends. Well, let's start with the Kaiba brothers. They ended up selling Kaiba Corp to Grandpa Motou, and moving to a tanning resort off the remote and secluded Isla Pegasus.

Yugi and Yami were reunited, and opened a bubble tea shop right next to their school, so they could make money while they were learning. They bought a share in Joey's textile company, and made a net so they could jump out of their algebra window, and end up in their office.

Tristan and Duke got married in Las Vegas, and moved to Rome, where they could write unintelligible poetry, discuss the meaning of life, and drink black coffee all day long.

Tea and Bakura ended up claiming the title of 'Best Dancers ever to hit Domino City!' They partied all day and all night, winning dance-offs left, right, and diagonal.

Pegasus stayed on Isla Pegasus, drinking deep crystal flutes filled with Gevry-Chambertin Burgundy.

And, of course, Malik Ishtar was so angry at being foiled by a high school kid, he decided to keep his job as an algebra teacher, and eventually discovered a theorem that proved the existence of string theory.

FIN

My thanks to Lord Scribbles, for helping me, and showing me how to write a story that people will want to read. Not that I did that…Thank you also to the commentators, who actually pretended to read the story so I would feel better. XD


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